the road to RYAN - our IF timeline

• December 09 - 10w4d u/s shows embryo measuring 9w2d and heart rate of 180, this marks the end of our IF journey and the beginning of our pregnancy journey
• November 09 - 11/4/09 u/s shows gestational sac, 6w6d u/s shows yolk sac, no heartbeat, 7w4d u/s shows embryo measuring 6w4d and a heart rate of 120, 8w4d u/s shows embryo measuring 7w1d and heart rate of 140
• October 09 - IVF, 28 eggs, 16 embryos (2 transfered, 12 frozen), day 5 transfer, BFP, Betas: 8dp5dt 102, 11dp5dt 209, 13dp5dt 325, 14dp5dt 625
• September 09 - Month off treatments to allow cysts to go away (caused by follistim)
• August 09 - Follistim 100IU, Ovidrel, Progesterone/ BFN
• July 09 - BC pills to shrink cyst (caused by clomid)
• June 09 - 150mg clomid, 1mg estrogen, human chorionic gonadotropin injection/ 3rd IUI/ BFN
• May 09 - IUI-Cancelled- only 1 egg (100mg clomid)/ BFN
• April 09 - 2nd IUI (50mg clomid)/ BFN
• March 09 - Diagnostic laparoscopic surgery/ No emdometriosis/1st IUI/ BFN:(
• February 09 - 50mg Clomid/ No luck
• January 09 -
• Hysterosalpingogram/ All structures patent
• Sperm analysis/ Super swimmers
• Ovarian ultrasound/ Good egg production and quality
• Human chorionic gonadotropin injection/ No luck
• December 08 - First visit with fertility doctor
• November 07 - Officially trying;)

My Sweet Emma

I brought Mazie home when she was just six weeks old. She was a terror on paws and she cried every time I left the house. When she was almost one I decided, since she was a pack dog, she needed a sibling to keep her company. And from that came the decision to get dog #2.

Nine years ago today I brought my sweet Emma home from Town Lake Animal Shelter in Austin Texas. She was estimated to be about one year old. She was a stray so I have no idea what happened to her that first year, however when she came home she was sooo nervous (thank goodness the submissive peeing didn't last long). Mazie and Emma quickly became best friends. In fact, the first time I left them home alone together was the first time Mazie didn't cry!

Other than the isolated incident of drinking baby oil and the unbelievable, constant shedding (seriously, you wouldn't believe it), she has been the best dog one could hope for. Happy 10th Birthday Emma!

Happy 2nd Trimester to Me

That’s right! We made it past the first trimester! It seems like only yesterday we were being told ‘congratulations you’re pregnant’, ‘I’m sorry you’re no longer pregnant’, ‘I see a fetus and a heartbeat’. Needless to say it was quite an unexpected roller coaster. All the ambivalence surrounding this pregnancy caused us to be very cautious with our excitement. Now that we’re past the first trimester, we’ve decided to let it all go and be excited!

As for the slow start and small size of the baby, only 2 of the 4 doctors we’ve seen are concerned. And the fact remains… there is nothing we can do about it anyway. We were advised by my fertility doc, due to a slight increase in chromosomal abnormalities with the ICSI procedure, to have genetic testing. However, I declined the early testing. For a previous NICU nurse, a current pediatric nurse, and my personality this decision was quite amazing. Well a couple days ago I had a panic attack about having declined the testing. Fortunately Chris was there to talk me down!

As promised, here are pictures of Chris wearing pantyhose. I suppose I should explain. Chris's colleagues paid money to see certain people, Chris included, dress up like idiots at work. They raised nearly $2,000 to help families in need. (why the first 2 pics are so small is beyond me, but you get the idea)

Resignation Delivered

I’m reading A Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and it’s hysterical. It’s non-medical, straight talk about the startling effects of pregnancy. In the chapter titled Pregnancy Insanity it clearly states, among many things, do not quit your job. In other words, there are too many hormones running amuck to make such big decisions. But, of course, I’m not inflicted with this so called gestational psychosis so I feel free to disregard such advice!

I’ve thought it over for awhile and the timing just fell into place. I’ve been on a pediatric palliative and hospice team for a couple months and while I’m only required to work 8 hours a week, I am able to work up to 40. So, that’s just what I’m going to do (maybe not a full 40 hours, but certainly more than 8). In addition to working more there, I also accepted an adjunct position to teach once a week at a local community college. So there you have it.

Oh, Chris dressed up as a toy solider, complete with thigh high white pantyhose, to raise money at work today...I'm hoping for some sweet pictures to share!

This week...

1. Our Christmas cards went out with the announcement
2. I told my co-workers I was expecting
3. I resigned from my full-time job as an instructor
4. I accepted an adjunct position elsewhere
5. Chris started preparing for his impending job search
6. I finally bought a Christmas gift for someone other than Alison

And it's only Wednesday, I’m exhausted! Details to follow…

Trust me...

Many people have said 'maybe you got pregnant naturally after the IVF and that's why the baby is smaller than expected'. Trust me, that did not happen. It's impossible. Me and my oversized ovaries were put on strict restrictions. Need I say more?

Chris and I recently went to Texas for the Big 12 Championship game between Texas and Nebraska. The game was in Arlington Texas at Jerry's house (aka the new Cowboys stadium). There is nothing like 76,211 football fans cheering in a single location. This was Chris's first UT experience and he made me proud!


As for the game, we were ranked #3 and Nebraska #22. Needless to say this was suppose to be a cake walk. Of course, it was not! When the clock ran out in the fourth quarter it was Nebraska that ran the field. But there was a discrepency and there was ONE second left. So, our kicker was sent to save the day at the 46 yard line and he did! We won and off to the national championship we go! Hook'em horns!


While in Texas we also did a little shopping in Grapevine with my Mom (aka Nonna-to-be). Here are some snapshots of the day.

'Outing' Baby Hayes

Chris and I went for an ultrasound today and we saw our baby and his or her tiny heart beating 180 times a minute! The baby is growing steadily, however the little tike is still about a week behind schedule. It was, yet, a different doctor and he was not concerned with the small size.


After seeing the heartbeat three times, we're prepared to 'out' this pregnancy! Even though many people already know about it via this blog or via being 'in the know' about the IVF, we will now make it known to the world!

10 Weeks

Having seen the heartbeat twice now has eased my mind, somewhat. The signs and symptoms of pregnancy, while bothersome, are also somewhat reassuring. If it's an early pregnancy symptom I have experienced it. I had morning, afternoon, and evening sickness for a couple weeks but it is seems to be passing.

The other symptoms are fleeting and rarely bothersome. Don't mistake any of this for complaining. The thrill of being pregnant outweighs any sickness! Oh, and Chris is picking up much of the slack around the house. Thanks Love.

I've been wanting to take an early pregnancy picture. You know, one before my belly changed. Well, I should have taken it before undergoing IVF; my belly has never been the same. So here is my 8 week shot...just know the belly is likely due to my ovaries not the baby!



My fertility doc said I could stop the shots at 10 weeks...so no more shots! Over the last 8 weeks I had just over 50 IM shots in the bum! I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow but I don't get another ultrasound until Thursday. Simply put, I won't learn anything about the baby tomorrow, just pregnancy stuff. You know, don't drink, get enough sleep, etc., etc.

Photoshoot Bloopers

I wanted an updated photo of myself, Chris, and the girls. We took one three years ago and I still love it. Do not be mistaken, it is no easy task to get two very rambunctious dogs to sit still and face forward. In fact, it's nearly impossible. We must have taken 30 pictures to get one that looks alright! Here are a few of the, uh, trial shots.








By the way, Chris took all pictures using our cameras timer. Not bad, huh?

8w4d Ultrasound

Chris and I went to our 9:30am ultrasound appointment this morning where we waited an entire hour to be seen! It made Chris late getting back to the office and he was ticked to say the least. However, I will say that I thought the whole situation was quite comical. Why? Well, when I whine about waiting forever for my appointments Chris always excuses the docs…'patients are late’, ‘patients are slow’, blah, blah blah. Well, today he learned a valuable lesson…I hope!

When Dr. Late Pants finally did the ultrasound she was looking around for minutes before saying anything. I immediately started to panic. I assumed she was having a difficult time finding a heartbeat. The monitor was turned away from me but Chris could see. I gave him a death stare and he nodded at me, reassuring me there was a heartbeat. Then the doc finally said ‘there is a heartbeat’. That’s all I wanted to know. She saw it immediately. Why wait to tell me? Did she not realize my legs were shaking with nerves? Seriously lady.

Once she realized Chris was reading the ultrasound she asked him what he did. After that she talked exclusively to him using medical jargon. Over here! I’m the patient! I’m the pregnant one, not him!

She measured the baby at 7w1d (I am 8w4d), but said the little tike was not cooperating for a good measurement. She was content with the growth over the last week and was not concerned with the small size. She was however concerned with not being able to see the anatomical structures but attributed that to the small size and the ultrasound machine. I go back in two weeks for a more accurate and thorough ultrasound.

She was also concerned with the size of one of my ovaries and the consequent risk of ovarian torsion, but considering the other two doctors did not voice a concern on the issue I am not worried.

Oh, and she did not give me a picture! Who does not give a copy of the ultrasound picture to the patient? I suppose she thought that after two years of trying to get pregnant, multiple failed attempts, IVF, and the massive emotional roller coaster of the last two months I would NOT want a picture of the little tike! Yes, that makes perfect sense.

Overall, this appointment was good, but we are still cautious with our happiness. The next ultrasound, in two weeks, is a week and a half before I hit the 12 week mark. I can’t believe I have only 3 more weeks in my first trimester!

and the saga continues...

We went to a different doctor on Wednesday to establish care within our insurance network. Afterall, we don't need to pay the big bucks for the basic care of a miscarriage. The plan was to get another ultrasound to confirm a blighted ovum and go from there.

Here was our conversation during the ultrasound:
Dr. L: "it seems like a normal pregnancy to me"
Me: "what does that mean?"
Dr. L: "it means I see a normal embryo and a heartbeat"
Me: --pause for a moment of confusion before starting to shake and cry--

*I have no idea why this pic is so small but lets face it, there isn't much to see*


So, we are still pregnant...with a baby...whose heart rate is 120! I will be 8 weeks on Saturday. But, (there is always a but) the baby is measuring about a week smaller than normal, hence why we didn't see anything last week. While this is concerning, there is really nothing we can do about it. So, I will continue the PIO injections and have another ultrasound next week.

When Chris and I decided to undergo IVF we expected a simple "Yes, it worked/ you are pregnant" or "No, it didn't work/ you are not pregnant". Instead we got:
Blood test #1: Good
Blood test #2: Not as good
Blood test #3: Bad
U/S #1: Inconclusive
U/S #2: Good
U/S #3: Bad
U/S #4: Good

Over the last week I have been very nauseous. Even though I didn't think I actually had a baby on board, I did know my hormone levels were indicative of a pregnancy. But the truth is I couldn't tell if the stress of the entire situation was causing me to be sick or if it was the pregnancy hormones. Probably a cross between the two. I'm much happier being sick for a reason greater than stress!

With all of that said, Chris and I are cautiously optimistic. We are well aware the slow developing fetus is cause for concern, but like I said, it is what it is and we can only wait and see what happens.

The End

I now have a yolk sac in my gestational sac but there is no baby. No heartbeat. There should be a heartbeat by now. I will go in next week for yet another ultrasound but it is highly unlikely this will end well.

six weeks and still growing

Chris and I went in for an ultrasound on Wednesday. It was not expected that we would see the baby but we hoped to see the baby's bed, aka the gestational sac (*see the black spot below). And we did! The doctor said there is a 90% chance a baby will grow in there. Sooo, I go back on Friday to see a baby. I will be 6 weeks and 6 days so with a transvaginal ultrasound I should be able to hear a heartbeat as well. If we see and hear what we want then I graduate to a regular OB.

My ovaries are still huge. They should be the size of walnuts and they are more the size of oranges! This explains the Buddha belly I'm sporting. It also explains why I have to pee constantly, they are pushing on my bladder. Afterall, ovaries are intended to produce one egg a month...not 28!

Let Me Start Over

First, my 4th beta results are 625! So it didn't exactly double but it went up 92% and that's good enough for me (technically 66% is good enough). My progesterone was 230 (anything over 20 is considered good) and this makes an ectopic unlikely. He did an ultrasound but couldn't tell anything (as expected) but he did say the lining of my uterus looked thick (uh..ok) and very promising. He said everything looked good for being 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant! I'm still cautious but now with more optimism. So, after the first beta results and before the numbers started acting funky, I had written the following:

the results are in...

and I am pregnant!

I love the clever stories about how women tell their husbands they are pregnant. But when you are scheduled to take a blood test, as in the case with IVF, it takes the element of surprise out of the equation. On Friday morning I went to the lab for my first beta test. I was told my nurse would call by the end of the day. Chris was working late that evening and I didn’t want to tell him over the phone, good or bad. I also didn’t want to wait until he got home. So, we made a plan to meet for a bite to eat at 4pm.

Knowing my doctors office closed at 4:30 and being afraid they would forget about me I couldn’t help but call at 2:30 to check in (did I mention I called at 10am to check when the office closed?). I was told my results were not in but they would call. Well, as I was driving to meet Chris I still hadn’t heard anything. At 4:15, with Chris sitting across from me, the phone rang. My heart started beating really fast and I answered on the first ring. It was my doctor. He started by saying ‘you’re pregnant’ and then by interpreting the significance of the beta number (which I was already very familiar with). He went on to say that anything over 5 was pregnant but that they hoped for over 50. I knew right then my beta was low. Then he went on to say it was 102!

Chris said I smiled when he told me I was pregnant and that my lip started quivering and eyes started watering when he told me the number. When you wait so long to hear those words they are actually quite surreal. We debated to tell anyone else but decided to wait until the second beta test results on Monday. So off Chris went back to work and I went home to get ready for a fundraising gala sans husband.

That night I was so excited to see there was sushi. Then I remembered pregnant people can’t eat sushi or so I’ve heard. Why have I not been eating tons of sushi prior to now? Probably because half of the last two years were spent waiting to see if I was pregnant. Though I must say I was happy to have a reason to avoid the sushi (and the champagne)!


Contrary to the cartoon, I have not peed on a single stick! It's quite amazing really. I just wanted definitive numbers that only a blood test could reveal. However, I have three home tests. One because I just really want to see both lines turn pink. And the other two just in case I need some reassurance that I am still pregnant.

The results are in...

8dp5dt: 102
11dp5dt: 209
13dp5dt: 325

interpretation: dp5dt means days past 5 day transfer. anything above 10 is considered pregnant. anything above 50 is considered good. every two (or three, depending on who you talk to) days the number should double. with that said, yes i am pregnant. and with that said, no my numbers are not rising as fast as my doctor would like. possible causes include impeding miscarriage/chemical pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, or a stubborn embryo who will eventually grow.

i am scheduled for another beta and an ultrasound (to rule out ectopic) on friday. i have heard stories of the 4th beta spiking and everything going great. we are hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

What can I say--we make good embryos!

Three more were frozen yesterday. That's a total of 12 embie pops! Only 2 embryos didn't make it to the uterus or the freezer. I'd say that's pretty good.

Last night Chris and I had the following conversation about my bloated stomach (seriously, I look 3 months preggo):

J: "Look at my stomach"
C: "It's practicing"
J: "Practicing what?"
C: "Stretching"

If you didn't know any better you might think Chris is a child. That's my husband!

now we wait (impatiently)

Before the transfer we were given a picture of our embies to be transferred! Aren’t they sweet? The pics were taken the morning of the transfer and Chris was able to peek at them under a microscope right before the transfer. He said they already looked different than the pictures.

My doctor said the transfer received a 90 for ease. I agree. It was less painful than my previous IUI’s. The only discomfort was the pushing on my mandatory full bladder! They froze 3 more embryos for a total of 9 frozen embies. They will watch the others for a day or so to see if any of them are freeze worthy as well. And, of course they transferred 2 into my cozy, welcoming, happy uterus. Now the little boogers just need to grab on!

Everyone knows I can’t be ordinary or do anything the easy way, so it is no surprise I've developed ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). With my last E2 level being 3800 and having 28 eggs this is not unexpected. Or so says my doctor. I, however, did not expect it. At least I know why I have felt so bad since the retrieval. I was the sickest the morning of the transfer so my doctor gave me the option of freezing the embies and doing a frozen embryo transfer next month. I said, NO! Now, the only thing that makes OHSS worse is getting pregnant! If the transfer is unsuccessful the sickness will resolve within a couple weeks. If successful, the symptoms will resolve within 1 to 2 months. So, here's wishing for a lengthy sickness!

Also, my doctor asked me to consider transferring only one embryo to reduce the risk of twins. Again I said, NO! Yes, transferring two increases the risk of twins but it also increases the chance of just one sticking, so that was a no brainer.

The OHSS makes me incredibly nauseous and thus selective on what I can eat. Last night, on request, Chris made mac and cheese and mash potatoes for dinner! It was perfect. Thanks Love!

Transfer Underway

The transfer is schedule for tomorrow afternoon. I will take a valium beforehand. Not really sure why, but it sounds like a wise idea. Yesterday Chris and I got concerned with how much my stomach still hurts from the retrieval. Mainly, our concerns were the possibility of internal bleeding or infection interfering with the transfer. After discussing whether or not to mention this to the doctor we finally decided it was best. The on-call doctor said with 28 eggs it is normal and not to worry.


Chris is now giving me IM progesterone (PIO) shots in my butt. Basically that means the needles are now 10 times bigger! And, while the poke is about equivalent to the flu shot, the soreness is more like a tetanus shot. The problem is Chris can only go inject a certain part of my rear and so the shots have to go into the already sore areas! Ouch! Oh, and sitting is always fun.


So, basically my stomach appears 2 months pregnant, I have raging heartburn (from the steroids I think), I have to pee every hour (side effect of the progesterone), I can’t get comfortable to sleep, few foods are appealing, and I’m nauseas. Sounds like I’m already pregnant!

A quick science lesson, the more cells something has the more complex it is. Embryos are no different. When they are first fertilized they look like this…


Then they start to divide. The hope is they continue to divide each day until they turn into a baby. By having so many embies we are able to watch and see which ones grow at the desired rate before transferring them. In other words, we can choose the ones that have already surpassed the other ones, thus giving us better odds.

As for our Embies, on day three the only thing my doctor said was they looked great and he wanted to do a five day transfer (rather than a three day). I asked if all 10looked good and he didn’t know (the lab is actually in charge all that).

Today ours should look like this…


And by tomorrow…


Cute I know. Grow Embies Grow!

16 Embies

That's right, out of my 28 eggs turned 16 embryos! Six of which are being frozen today for use at a later date. Two of the other 10 will be implanted later this week.

In the meantime, since I am learning to use youtube, here is a video of my shot routine. Don't worry the needles are small!

28 EGGS

They removed 28 eggs! More eggs correlates with better IVF success rates. Bascially, the more eggs you have, the more that will fertilize, and the more you can be selective on transfering the best looking embryos. So how many is normal? I don't really know, but I do know that, according to Google, in my age group more than 7 is optimal. Woo hoo!

Chris did a nice job of documenting the day. Here is a pre-retrieval, pre-drugged pic...


Post-retrieval, Post-drugs...
Video #1: How do you feel?
Video #2: What do you remember?

I left the clinic feeling great. The nurse told me to expect cramps similar to regular menstral cramps only times 28! Boy she wasn't kidding. Four wasted tylenol, 1 lortab, and 2 percocets later I can hardly walk. But it's all worth it!

Next step: Tomorrow the doctor will call and tell us how many fertilized.

It's Trigger Time

Had my third ultrasound and E2 level today. Ultrasound showed the number of follicles to be "into the double digits". E2 was 3800. At 4000 the risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome usually calls for a the cycle to be cancelled. Therefore, no more stimulation drugs and my doc cut my HCG, aka trigger shot, dose by half--to be given tonight at 11pm. Scheduled for the retrieval at 8am on Saturday. Transfer either on Tuesday or Thursday depending on how our embryos grow. That's right, on Sunday we will be proud parents of embryos!

IVF/ Toe Update

I was due to have my estrogen (E2) level this morning so because it's Sunday I had to go to the hospital lab. Then Chris and I had to kill an hour and a half from 8 to 9:30am before seeing my doctor for an ultrasound. So, why not go to Friendly's for a Reece's peanut butter cup sundae! The ultrasound went well as I had about 8 follicles (eggs) at about 8mm (12mm is full size). I also had several mini follicles that may or may not turn in to anything. I have no idea how many he wants me to have, but apparently I need just enough to make successful embryos but not enough to cause my ovaries to explode. I think my E2 levels were high because I was told to decrease my follistim dose. I go in for another E2 level and ultrasound on Tuesday morning. My doc guesses I will be ready for retrieval this coming weekend.

I am adjusting to the shots. Any one shot is bearable but all three together buuurrnn! And the side effects are minimal.


Causing more pain is my damn toe! It was fine until today when I dropped a couch right on it! First, let me say I had a bump underneath my nail for as long as I can remember (maybe 6 months, maybe 6 years). When my nail came off I was able to see that the bump was another nail, it's about 1/4 of a nail at the base of my toe. The whack job podiatrist I saw said my toenail should grow out from the existing nail but so far it has yet to do anything (and I am cutting the others so I know they are growing!). I was getting a bit fearful that I was going to live forever without a toenail until the couch incident. My mini nail is turning black...maybe it will just fall off too! Then I can start over. Here is a pre-couch pic of my toe (pretty, I know).


By the way, did you know they make glue on toenails? Well, they do. Problem is they are intended to be glued to the existing nail. I guess they are meant for people with ugly nails rather than people with no nails. Weird.

IVF Blunders and Plans

I recently watched a law and order episode about an IVF mishap where embryos were created using one woman's eggs and mistakenly implanted into another women. The child was five when it was noticed. Then, of course, I am following the recent story about the wrong embryos being implanted! Ahh, I remember back to simpler times when babies just got switched after birth...in the hospital. On that note, I have been taking lupron for a couple weeks and will start stimulation drugs in the next couple days. That equates to three shots in the belly each morning. When that's all said and done, Chris will get the pleasure of practicing his IM injection technique on my rear.

We expect to do the egg retrieval the week of the 5th. Of course, in the world of infertility, nothing can actually be planned in advance.

Chris has this week off and he has an ambitious to do list. Patching holes, fixing stuff, replacing things. What a vacation!

Happenings

# One
An old fashion drive in movie theater recently opened near our house and we finally got to go. We saw a double feature, The Time Travelers Wife and The Proposal. Neither were great but it was fun none the less. We watched the first one outside our car but it got chilly so we moved inside the car for round two. Oh, and we split a goochdog, a hotdog garnished with mac and cheese and a tangy BBQ sauce. Surprisingly tasty.

# Two
We have started IVF drug protocols. So far the only side effect to the Lupron has been some slight irritability, though Chris may disagree with the word 'slight'. I go in for an ovarian ultrasound later this week to determine...well to determine something.

# Three
I got a second job. Working more than one job is pretty standard for me and it is keeping my mind on something other than the whole IVF thing. Now, Im being very optimistic in the sense that I expect to start after IVF is said and done with the expectation that I will not have to figure out how to slip away from a new job to get a blood test/ultrasound/injection. The job is as a pediatric hospice and palliative care nurse. I will work 8 hours during the week and be on call one weekend a month. Chris also got his approval to moonlight at the VA ER. He plans on working a couple 4 or 5 hour shifts a month, nothing major.

# Four
Happy Birthday Mom!

The Transformation

Here's what we (well, my role is strictly limited to cheerleader) have been up to...

Before:


During:
*please note the surgical gloves and no, Chris is not naked)


After:

Columbus, Ohio

We went to Columbus this weekend. We met up with some friends, checked out neighborhoods with a realtor, and caught a OWU soccer game.

Now if I could just fit this sculpture in our living room...


In our suite, yep, that's a 40!


I got the full but brief campus tour on our way to the soccer game. This is the Ohio Wesleyan University chapel. I just love old campus buildings.


This sign humors me, perhaps more than it should. No people allowed here in Ohio!


Overall, it was a much nicer city than I expected. I really liked one of the areas, Arlington. Go figure. Currently it's on the bottom of the short list. Warning: list changes regularly;)

The Nitty Gritty

This is our morphed child! I found a website that morphs pictures of two people. While I did morph myself with Brad Pitt, this baby is actually the morph of Chris and I.


I asked for opinions (thank you to everyone who emailed, called, and posted), but then I realized I didn’t really give enough facts to support much of an opinion. First, when you look at the statistics between doing injectables, 15% chance of working, and IVF, 50% chance of working it seems obvious to do IVF. Here’s the zinger…

One round of injectables = $200
One round of IVF = ~$12,000

Nope, you read that right. The zeros are correct! It's certainly financially worth it to try the injectables again but I'm not sure it's emotionally woth it anymore.

Now, for the second…

As for adoption, contrary to what people believe, there are not an abundance of babies out there. There are however an abundance of children that need homes. Cost to adopt a baby in the US ~ $10,000-$20,000. Cost to adopt a child in the foster care system ~ 0. At this time we want a baby (figures, I always want what is more expensive;).

An adoption worker recently told me that many people give there babies to people who can not have a child and who do not already have a child. This makes sense because they what to feel as if they are giving a couple something they could never have otherwise. So, with that said, if we do have a baby through IVF we could still adopt afterwards for baby #2, but it is possible less birthmothers would choose us. Another thing I was told is that birthmothers often choose young couples and in the adoption world we are as young as it gets (the longer we wait the less young we get;).

Also, when you pay the adoption fees you will have a baby in the end vs. when you pay the IVF fees you may have a baby. What if we spend all of our money on IVF and it fails will we have enough to move on to adoption?? Truth be told, Chris and I would work overtime and find a way but it wouldn’t be ideal.

So, why not adopt now and do IVF later? Turns out women in their mid-30’s are considered senior citizens in the IF world. In other words, the younger you do IVF the better your odds.

Yep, we are pretty much screwed either way. We don’t want an only child. In fact, we have considered adopting a baby and then moving forth with IVF right away. We think once we have a baby then we will be less stressed about having a baby…make sense?

What I’d really like to do is move ahead with the adoption process while doing IVF. However, it appears that many agencies do not allow this. There thinking is that you still want a biological child but you will settle for an adopted one. Really, I just want a baby!

One of my biggest hesitations with adoption is that I will be sitting around helpless while we wait and I will go insane…no literally, insane. As I was recently reminded, patience is not a virtue of mine (thanks Summer). At least with IVF I will have many, many appointments and procedures and I will feel as if I am doing something. On the other hand, all the appointments with my job…man oh man.

Anyway, we have our consultation with our RE next Wednesday and the adoption orientation meeting a day later. While, I still believe we will move ahead with IVF we both want to explore our options. This is offically my longest post ever....

Decisions - Decisions

The decision of the moment is that we are moving towards IVF. I feel so much better after making any big decision....now if we could only decide where to start our family I'd feel even better. But, the fact of the matter is we have to figure out what the baby situation holds for us before we can move forward. To get even further into this tangent, we are visiting Columbus Ohio in about a week in an effort to come closer to this decision. I know, I know, you are thinking 'Columbus Ohio! What?'...well, Chris lived there for college and it's like his Austin (which, btw, we have already looked at).

I digress. Back to the decision made. Tomorrow I will make a consultation appointment with our RE. I reserve the right to change my mind after said consultation! In September we are also going to an adoption orientation at a local agency...just in case. Best case scenario, we get pregnant all natural the old fashion way this month!

what's a girl to do?

Not pregnant. Went to the doctor today. Have many cysts on both ovaries. Can't proceed with treatments this month. Sucks.

Option 1: Wait a month and proceed with injectable drugs. Pros: Cheap, easy. Cons: 15% chance of working. If treatment fails I will get more cysts and be forced to take November off too.

Option 2: Wait a month and initiate IVF protocol. Have IVF in November. Pros: 50% chance of working. Cons: $$, time.

Option 3: Screw all treatment plans and skip right to adoption. Pros: will likely have a baby as soon as or sooner than by giving birth. Not having to actually give birth. Cons: not being pregnant, $$, scary, no little Chris or Jenn faces.

When I got home from the doctors office I read a packet of information on adoption and thought everything sounded great. Then I read the packet on IVF and thought everything sounded great. I'm so confused! Can someone else tell me what to do? And it best not be 'just relax' or you may get hit.

At the beginning of all of this, Chris and I decided to try IF treatments until the end of this year. At which point we would start the adoption process. In addition, Chris finishes his chief year next June and we are in the process of deciding where to live. That deadline is also by the end of the year (we need several months to get work licenses, sell our house, buy a house, etc). If we move down the adoption path we kinda need to stay put. Talk about decisions! Seriously, someone help!

Happy # 2

We decided to celebrate our 2nd anniversary this weekend rather than on the actual day. Tuesdays just don't accommodate a good time quite as much as a weekend. So we started off with a day trip to DC. It is a two hour trip (three if you count the inevitable DC traffic). We started off visiting Union Station. We got married in a train station so it made perfect sense. We shopped and got a bite to eat.


The train station has a food court, a few restaurants, a shopping mall, and some great architectural details (though it's not as pretty as our train station).


We then headed to a DC United/ LA Galaxy game. It had been raining the entire time we were in town (hence the dreary picture above) and the soccer game would only be cancelled for lighting. Needless to say, I was not excited with the idea of standing in the lightningless rain. And Chris was not excited about having to deal with me standing in the rain! But I traded in my dress for shorts, a tee, and a pancho. In the car I said to Chris "I wish we had a little hand towel so we could occasionally dry our faces and hands" but no such luck. However, as soon as we stepped in the gate there was a man handing out free hand towels...it's like he read my mind! Then to make it even better, when we got to our seats we realized there was an overhang over our seats and we were protected from the rain...hallelujah!


The game was fun, it rained during the first half but not on us! It was my first professional soccer game complete with Beckham...can't beat that view;) However, I was a little disappointed at the DC crowds constant booing every time he got the ball...very rude. The score: 0/0. You would think those boys could shoot and score at least once!

See the blur in white? That's pretty boy.


We then ended our weekend Sunday with dinner at the Melting Pot. It is always rated the most romantic restaurant in Richmond. The food was better than I expected. We started with a cheese fondue. Then onto the main course. I had no idea we would be cooking our own meat (if you haven't been you get a plate of raw meat and cook it fondue style). Pretty neat. We had chicken, sirloin, steak, pork tenderloin, shrimp, and lobster tail (and of course some veggies).


But the best part was the dark chocolate fondue with oreos mixed in. MMMMM. Dippers: brownies, rice crispy treats, marshmallows, strawberries, bananas, and cheesecake! Could there be anything better? I think not. Well maybe him;) Happy Anniversary Baby!